All this talk of parenting guides and Plunket books has got me thinking about what we parents really need: a guide that is compulsory reading for anyone that interacts with new parents. The first chapter should cover what not to say to a pregnant woman, before moving on to what not to say to a harassed parent. I propose the last section cover what parents should not say to each other.
I was lucky that my pregnancies were fairly positive experiences, and most people I met were lovely. There were still a few things said to me that gave me the rage, though, so here's my go at what the first chapter - what not to say to a pregnant woman - ought to say:
1. Oh, you look big! As if you don't need reminding that you haven't seen your feet in weeks and feel like a giant galoompa as it is. Or, in the case of what someone said to me at six months, surely you can't get any bigger?
2. Oh, you look small! Now I didn't get this very much (see above) but I imagine it could make you feel very worried about baby's growth.
3. Your pregnancy seems to be going well. Just because you're not hosting your own moan-fest every day or don't have serious issues doesn't mean there aren't other things going on that you don't exactly want to tell a colleague over a water cooler chat.
4. Women still die in childbirth, you know. Someone said this to me when I was about 34 weeks. Hormonal rage glare was well activated, I'll tell you, followed by me obsessively Googling stats on maternal mortality.
5. The anesthetic didn't work during my c-section. Or any other horrendous labour story. Or any story about a regular intervention or commonly used drug that severely damaged someone you vaguely know's brother's wife's cousin.
