True gender equality: letting my son wear pink if he wants to

The other day, I gave my little girl pigtails. I used pink elastic bands, and topped the look off with a bow clip. Stepping back to admire my handiwork, I heard a little voice beside me. "What about me?" my son said. "I want that too!" It was then that I realised that I've been thinking so much about my girl growing up feeling equal to boys, I'd totally neglected giving the same message to my son.

All of the evidence says that my son is likely to earn more than my daughter, achieve more seniority in the workplace, and do fewer chores in the home. If they both want to be actors, my daughter will be playing mothers while my son is still cast as a romantic lead. If they both write books about coming-of-age that include a romance, his is more likely to be called "literature" and given a serious cover. Hers is more likely to be given a pink cover with shoes on it. If they both become politicians, her looks are more likely to be poked fun of. It's completely natural that given all of these potential obstacles she'll face, parents of daughters the World over go the extra mile to reinforce Girl Power.

But, still. Where does this leave our sons? Parents give their daughters trucks as a point of principle, but don't give their sons dolls. Girls are dressed in pink and blue and all of the colours in between, but dressing boys in pink still seems to have a taboo around it. Which is silly, really, as the pink/blue gender divide is 100% nurture, not nature. Girls wear trousers, but the same people who dress their girls in trousers will look askance when they see a boy in a skirt. Especially a pink skirt.  With frills.

The thing is, if we are sending the signal to our sons that skirts, pink and dolls are wrong, won't we also be sending the signal to our daughters that her many of her things - her girl things - are somehow inferior? Especially if she's given "boy" toys and wears blue, when he's never given "girl" toys or wears pink. And if that's the case, how can our daughters ever grow up feeling truly equal?

We also have to ask ourselves why we as a society aren't more embracing of pink for boys and them playing with dolls. Some people say they don't mind, they just don't want their sons to be bullied. This is said without the self-awareness that if they say such things in their children's earshot, they have become part of the problem. Others are scared their sons will look 'gay', without realising how disgustingly prejudiced and homophobic that sounds. Not to mention ridiculous. It's not as if a young boy will go from being heterosexual to homosexual after a few hours wearing a tutu, or getting a doll for their birthday. Many more point to nature, saying things like "my son has never liked pink, it's in his genes", or "my son has never shown an interest in dolls." Never mind that he has never been dressed in pink, and never given a girls' toy.

So, with those thoughts in mind, I did my son's hair. I gave him two pigtails, which he declared to be just like "giraffe ears", and wore them proudly around the house for the next hour. He also enjoyed admiring his bow clip in the mirror, before throwing it to the ground. As he grows up he may want to wear pink, or he may not. He may play with his dolls and toy pram, or he may choose his trucks. But just like my daughter, I want him, too, to have a choice. 

Why we need to stop judging other people on how they spend their money

One of the problems with money is how much people judge each other on how they choose to spend it. Obviously there are other problems with money. Such as, for many people, not having enough of it. Or, in the case of Scrooge McDuck, the ever-present risk of giving himself concussion after diving into a pit of coins. While those topics would be interesting issues to cover (especially poor McDuck's injuries), though, it's the issue of judgy-ness that I wish to address today. Maybe this isn't relevant to you as you never judge people on how they spend their money. In which case, you deserve a medal. Or perhaps, no-one ever judges you either. If that's the case, all your friends and family deserve medals. But, if you're like many people I know who either get judged or are judged, here are my top tips on why you should never judge other people on how they spend .

As I touched on here, it's far too easy to judge other people by how they spend their money. Everyone has different priorities. Just because you choose to spend thousands on a diamond-encrusted chastity belt, doesn't mean that your friend who spent the same amount on a learning the ancient arts of Gorilla massage is in the wrong. It's just different.

Moreover, when you spend money, you've been through the process of rationalising it to yourself. Through this process you've convinced yourself of one of four things:

1. You WANT it! You've decided that whatever you're buying or spending money on is something you really want and will bring you joy. Or, at the very least, that little buzz you get from spending money on something nice.

2. You NEED it! It's something you need to pay for or buy, like tax and bills and food. After all, no-one wants to live in a house with no water or electricity while waiting for the tax-man to come knocking, with nothing but the sound of your rumbling stomach for company.

3. You *cough* NEED it *cough* kinda ... This is the category of stuff that you actually want, but have managed to convince yourself that you need it. Most of what I buy probably fits here. I *cough* need *cough* a new Tablet. Or some new jeans. Or a TV that connects to the internet.

4. You can afford it. Technically. Even if it comes at the expense of something else, or has been put on your credit card with no plan of how to pay it back. At least, by whatever means, you can walk out of the shop with your purchase having paid in some shape or form.

When other people watch you spend that money, though, they haven't been through that process. The judgement comes when people watch others spend and think one of four things instead: